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Old 07-14-2012, 10:47 AM  
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Through The Decades .wmv

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Old 07-24-2012, 05:28 AM  
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The Pastor's Teeth

A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after


he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight Minutes.

The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.

The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation

had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what

happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for

more than 8 minutes.

The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes.

But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's' teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut

up...


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Old 09-16-2012, 05:36 AM  
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CHRISTIAN ONE LINERS





Don't let your worries get the best of you;



Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.



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Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited...



Until you try to sit in their pews.



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Many folks want to serve God, But only as advisors.



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It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.



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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose,



But mosquitoes come close.



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When you get to your wit's end, You'll find God lives there.



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People are funny; They want the Front of the bus, the Middle of the road, and back of the church.



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Opportunity may knock once, But temptation bangs on the front door forever.



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Quit griping about your church; If it was perfect, you couldn't belong.



**+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*



If a church wants a better pastor, It only needs to pray for the one it has..



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God Himself doesn't propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?



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Some minds are like concrete Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.



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Peace starts with a smile.



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I don't know why some people change churches;



What difference does it make which one you stay home from?



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A lot of church members singing 'Standing on the Promises' are just sitting on the premises.



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Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em.



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Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.



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Don't put a question mark where God put a period.



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Forbidden fruits create many jams.



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God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.



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God grades on the cross, not the curve.



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God loves everyone, But probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts!'



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God promises a safe landing,not a calm passage.



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He who angers you, controls you!



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If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats!



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Prayer: Don't give God instructions, just report for duty!



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The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.



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The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.



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We don't change the message, The message changes us.



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You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.



*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*



The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:



1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.



*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
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Old 09-17-2012, 02:51 PM  
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Potato Chips & God

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with a bag of potato chips and a six-pack of root beer and started his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old man. He was sitting in the park, just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old man looked hungry, so he offered him some chips. He gratefully accepted it and smiled at him.

His smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer. Again, he smiled at him. The boy was delighted!
They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As twilight approached, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave; but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old man, and gave him a hug. He gave him his biggest smile ever..

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?"



He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? He's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, the old man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked, "dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"

He replied "I ate potato chips in the park with God." However, before his son responded, he added, "You know, he's much younger than I expected."

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime! Embrace all equally!

Have lunch with God ... bring chips.

Send this to people who have touched your life in a special way. Let them know how important they are. I did!!!!

God still sits on the throne. You may be going through a tough time right now but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can.
Keep the faith!

This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one another.

Here is the prayer:





Father, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and e-mail buddies reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. In Jesus' precious name, Amen.
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Old 10-22-2012, 06:39 AM  
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__________________
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"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." - A. Einstein

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Old 10-22-2012, 06:43 AM  
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"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." - A. Einstein

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Old 10-22-2012, 06:55 AM  
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http://www.thechristiandirectory.net/christian-humor


SAMPLE:

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Old 10-22-2012, 07:09 AM  
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The Atheist and the Bear

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. 'What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!', he said to himself.
As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster.
He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.
At that instant the atheist cried out: 'Oh my God!...'
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying:
'You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?'
The atheist looked directly into the light.
'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?'
'Very well, 'said the voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed.


And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke: 'Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen.'
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Old 10-22-2012, 07:26 AM  
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Email Goes Astray
This is allegedly based on a true story. Guy and Will leave the final decision to you:




Mr Arnold, a businessman from Tulsa, Oklahoma, went on a business trip to Amarillo, Texas. He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Paula.

Unfortunately, he forgot his wife's exact e-mail address and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. P. Arnold in Rapid City, South Dakota, the wife of a preacher who had just died.

The preacher's wife, Penny, took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted.
When she was finally revived by her daughter, Penny hysterically pointed to the message, which read, 'Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here.'
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Old 10-22-2012, 07:35 AM  
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Practical Religion
There is the allegedly true story of Father George who began his sermon early one Sunday morning by announcing to his congregation at St John's, Newbury, England, 'I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building programme. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.'





Father Michael, of St Mary's church began his sermon with this story: 'I was on a plane last week, from Edinburgh to London, when we ran into some very severe weather which resulted in turbulence. As it got worse, the passengers became more and more alarmed, and even the airline stewards began to look concerned.

Finally, one of them noticed that I had 'Reverend' in front of my name on the passenger list, so she approached me, and said, 'Sir, this is really frightening. Do you suppose you could, I don't know.........do something religious?'

'So I took up a collection,' retold Father Michael with a grin.
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