Go Back   CityProfile.com Forum - Local City and State Discussion Forums > United States City Forums > Montana
Click Here to Login

Reply
Old 06-04-2011, 07:07 AM  
Supporting Member
 
teaberryeagle's Avatar

Richmond, VA
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,444 | Kudos: +200
Images: 16
"Ole Blue"......"MONTANA JOKE!"

"Ole Blue"

A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college.

Half way through the semester, having foolishly
squandered all his money .... he calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education
is developing! They actually have a program here in Missoula
that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue
in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says
"and I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester,
the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you
just won't believe this -- they've had such good results
they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue
in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.

At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog
can neither talk, nor read.

So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father
is all excited.

"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read
something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday
morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was
in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading
the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does".

"Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy
still messing around with that little redhead who lives
down the street?"

The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot
that lying dog before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to law school, and now serves in
Washington D.C. as a Congressman.
__________________

Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2011, 12:48 PM  
Member

Eureka, Montana
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 81 | Kudos: +16
Images: 1
That's a good one!

This is great, a thread of Montana jokes, what a good idea!

Here's one I kinda like:

"I just got off the phone with a friend living in northern Montana, near the
Canadian border.

He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high
and is still falling.

The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing
to near gale force.

His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just
stare...


He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in."
__________________

Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2011, 06:55 AM  
Supporting Member
 
teaberryeagle's Avatar

Richmond, VA
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,444 | Kudos: +200
Images: 16
Thanks......yours is just great, too!........
folks really come up with some cute ones, huh? ....
Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2011, 11:20 PM  
Member

Eureka, Montana
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 81 | Kudos: +16
Images: 1
That's for sure!

I hope more people post Montana jokes! A good laugh helps the day along in a good way!
Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2011, 06:15 AM  
Supporting Member
 
teaberryeagle's Avatar

Richmond, VA
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,444 | Kudos: +200
Images: 16
Montana Jokes

State Jokes
Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2011, 07:26 AM  
Supporting Member
 
teaberryeagle's Avatar

Richmond, VA
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,444 | Kudos: +200
Images: 16
http://www.jokesclean.com/United-Sta...ntanaRules.php

The following list of rules applies to each person as they enter Montana.

Learn 'em & remember 'em.


1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are horses, cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-90 and I-94 go east and west, I-15 goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're impressed. We have quarter-million dollar, air conditioned tractors that we drive three weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat Walleye & Rainbow Trout. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to everyone, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and A-1.

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. High School Football is as important here as the Vikings and the Seattle Seahawks and a dang site more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards ---- it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try Montana State or the University of Montana. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.

16. We have more folks per capita in the Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Montana." If you do, you'll likely get your butt kicked.
Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2011, 08:13 AM  
Supporting Member
 
teaberryeagle's Avatar

Richmond, VA
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,444 | Kudos: +200
Images: 16
Montana Grizzly Bear Notice...

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field.

"We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear poop. Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells like pepper."
Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2011, 12:29 PM  
Member

Eureka, Montana
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 81 | Kudos: +16
Images: 1
Thanks!
__________________

Reply With Quote
Reply

Go Back   CityProfile.com Forum - Local City and State Discussion Forums > United States City Forums > Montana
Bookmark this Page!

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes


Suggested Threads

Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.3

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.