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Old 03-25-2012, 09:22 PM  
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Subject: A GOOD ONE

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She
lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to
him,

"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet
him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a
hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346
feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north
latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican.

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is
technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your
information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to
me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama-Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are -- or
where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large
quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep,
and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."



P R I C E L E S S !!
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Old 03-26-2012, 07:43 AM  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eddie_T View Post
Subject: A GOOD ONE

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She
lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to
him,

"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet
him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a
hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346
feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north
latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican.

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is
technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your
information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to
me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama-Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are -- or
where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large
quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep,
and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."



P R I C E L E S S !!
That one is funnier when you swap the parties.
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Old 03-26-2012, 09:14 AM  
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True for both sides.
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Old 03-30-2012, 06:43 AM  
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Greenville, SC
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"A society that puts equality ... ahead of freedom will end up with neither equality nor freedom."

--Milton Friedman (1912-2006)
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Old 04-10-2012, 10:21 AM  
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The Ant and the Grasshopper

The ANT
AND THE
GRASSHOPPER

This one is a little different....
Two Different Versions ...
Two Different Morals

OLD VERSION

The ant works
hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper
thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm
and well fed.

The grasshopper has
no food or shelter, so he
dies out in the cold.



MORAL OF THE OLD STORY:


Be responsible for yourself!





MODERN
VERSION

The ant works hard
in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant
is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper
calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN,
and ABC show up to
provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper
next to a video of the ant
in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears
on Oprah
with the grasshopper
and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not EasyBeing Green...'

Occupy the Anthill stages
a demonstration in front of the ant's
house where the news stations film the SEIUgroup singing, We shall overcome.

Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright
has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper's sake,

while he damns the ants.


President Obama condems the ant
and blames
President Bush 43, President Bush 41, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the
Pope
for the grasshopper's
plight..

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid
exclaim in an interview with Larry
King that the ant has
gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper,
and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts
the Economic Equity &
Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning of
the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number
of green bugs and,
having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar
and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper
and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house,
crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken
over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses
bringing the rest
of the free world with it.


MORAL OF THE STORY:


Be careful how you vote in 2012.



I've sent this to you because I believe that you are an ant
not a grasshopper!

Make sure that you pass
this on to other ants.

Don't bother sending
it on to any grasshoppers
because they wouldn't
understand it, anyway
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Old 04-17-2012, 05:43 AM  
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Subj: Old Butch the Rooster















This is not only a cute story but who wouldn't
love this absolutely beautiful rooster, "Old Butch."




Old Butch

John was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens),
called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize
the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing
went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny
bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell
from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an
efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very
fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old
Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other
roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing,
but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would
run for cover.
To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his
beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on
to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him
in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became
an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old
Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also
awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.
Who else but a politician could figure out how
to win two of the most coveted awards on our
planet by being the best at sneaking up on the
unsuspecting populace and screwing them when
they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this fall, the bells are not always
audible.
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Old 04-18-2012, 11:10 AM  
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny Political Cartoons and Memes-gorreb20120326_low.jpg 

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Old 04-21-2012, 05:43 AM  
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Old 04-21-2012, 09:29 AM  
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Houston, Texas
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Obviously we have our priorities in order.
Funny Political Cartoons and Memes-tumblr_m2qwpxisjw1qa4ff3o1_500.jpg 

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Old 04-26-2012, 10:57 AM  
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In response to emails regarding my dog

Subject: IN RESPONSE TO EMAILS REGARDING MY DOG


In response to E-Mails about my dog.....

Please be advised, I am sick and tired of answering questions about my dog,
who mauled:

Six people wearing Obama tee shirts,

Four wearing Pelosi tee shirts,

Two Democrats,

Nine teenagers with pants hanging past their cracks,

Three flag burners,

and a Pakistani taxi driver.

FOR THE LAST TIME... THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE !! !

I'M TRYING TO TALK HIM INTO QUITTING SMOKING,

BUT HE SAYS IT HELPS GET THE BAD TASTE OUT OF HIS MOUTH !!!???
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