Four Things to Avoid on Page One
I really had to stop and read this. After all, have I made a similar good in the start of my latest novel? The very first recommendation caused me to go back and check mine out. Here it is:
They had ridden for half a turn of an hour glass in silence. Fernando silently rehearsed what he had to say, uncertain of her response. His necessity to tell her came, not from feelings of his heart, but the obligation incurred by his father many years before. At last, as they turned on the path toward her hacienda, he gathered himself.
“Teresa. I am going to enlist in the cavalry.”
Well? Did I get it or not? Remember, this takes place in 1742, if that helps.
Anyhow, read more of this very good piece @ http://www.thepassivevoice.com/07/20...d-on-page-one/