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-   -   "texas humor" (http://www.cityprofile.com/forum/texas/texas-humor-13321/)

teaberryeagle 04-07-2011 10:43 AM

"texas humour"
 
TEXAS HUMOUR........:D

BE SURE TO SCROLL DOWN AND WATCH THE "PIG RACE"....:D



http://www.texashumor.com/index.html

M22KLARS 04-07-2011 11:24 AM

Good for him. That's ****in' bull**** that they move in next door and ask him to move out from his family's farm or get rid of his pigs. Way to go redneck! :HIGHFIVE:

GeoBigJon 04-07-2011 02:51 PM

Well there you go, very sweet justice or salty, guess it depends on which part you want to chew on first. :HIGHFIVE:

teaberryeagle 04-15-2011 02:36 PM

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his
pick-up into the ditch.

The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you
see that sign right over your head."

"Yep", he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, cause it says:

'Fine For Dumping Garbage'."

teaberryeagle 12-06-2011 01:22 PM

Subject: Only in Texas

An apparent Drunken Cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in a posh Amarillo Theatre.

When the Usher came by and noticed him, he whispered to the Cowboy,

"Sorry, Sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The Cowboy just groaned but didn't even budge.

The Usher became more impatient and insistent: "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager.."

Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The Usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.

Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but without success. He just laid there in a dazed stupor.

Finally they had enough and summoned the police.

A Texas Ranger arrived, surveyed the situation briefly then asked,

"Alright buddy what's your name?"

"Sam," the Cowboy moaned.

Where ya all from, Sam?" asked the Ranger.




With terrible pain in his voice, a grim expression and without moving a
muscle, Sam said, "The Balcony."

teaberryeagle 12-09-2011 06:51 AM

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance... never really wanted to"

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.

Everybody standing around was laughing.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.

The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said;

"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir... but.... I've always wanted to"

There are a few lessons for all of us here:

*Don't be arrogant.
*Don't waste ammunition.
*Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
*Always make sure you know who is in control.
*And finally, Don't screw around with old folks; they didn't get old by being stupid...

I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?

teaberryeagle 03-14-2012 05:25 AM

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor"
shows,Texas is planning to do one entitled:

“Survivor, Texas-Style!”

The 8 contestants will all start in Dallas,
then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio.

Then over to Houston and down to Brownsville.
They will proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso,
Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, and Amarillo.

From there they will go on to Abilene and Fort Worth.

Finally back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Prius with bumper stickers that reads:

1 “ I'm a Democrat”
2 “Amnesty for Illegals”
3 “I love the Dixie Chicks”
4 “Boycott Beef”
5 “I Voted for Obama”
6 “George Strait Sucks”
7 “Reelect Obama in 2012”
and...
8 “I'm here to confiscate your guns”

The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.
God Blessed Texas!

===================================
===================================

I really like George Strait......here's a couple of his videos
you'll enjoy.....just thought I'd include a couple of them
since his name is mentioned above...I know you folks are
proud of him, too!..........:D

YouTube.com Playlist:
http://www.youtube.com/artist?a=GxdCwVVULXdetqskzhih6NiCOB7wtAuw


George Strait - Don't Mess with Texas


George Strait Cowboys Like Us
George Strait - Amarillo By Morning

George Strait - If it wasn?t for Texas


George Strait - Somewhere down in texas

George Strait ACM Artist Of The Decade All Star Concert


teaberryeagle 03-16-2012 04:42 AM

"TEXAS HUMOR"
http://www.texashumor.com/index.html

teaberryeagle 03-22-2012 10:12 AM

1 Attachment(s)
You've got to love this, especially if you are from Texas or live in Texas.

New ambulance in Austin , Texas, coming soon to your city or town.

Sideways 03-22-2012 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by teaberryeagle
You've got to love this, especially if you are from Texas or live in Texas.

New ambulance in Austin , Texas, coming soon to your city or town.

Miss you yet??? Nope. Glad you're gone. And your daddy.


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