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Old 10-25-2011, 07:49 PM  
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Originally Posted by havasu View Post
Ahh, Hawaii! I can 't think of a better place to commiserate!
Sounds like you ought to go visit Jake and soak your toes in the sand on Waikiki.
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Old 10-25-2011, 11:30 PM  
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Oh, that is confirmed as soon as I find a free week!
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Old 10-26-2011, 01:44 AM  
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Surprise, Arizona
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Did the divorce thing after 11 years. She got the house, she got the car, she got the furniture, she got the animals, and I got to leave. Was sent to the curb without a penny to my name. And all after sending her through medical school.

Just hooked up with the love of my life from 25 years ago after her divorce. Couldn't be happier.
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Old 10-26-2011, 05:34 AM  
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Originally Posted by havasu View Post
Oh, that is confirmed as soon as I find a free week!
You're retired. How hard can it be to take off for a week? The Commodore won't approve some time off? Gotta patch the row boat to paddle over there? Sale coming up at Big Lots? Waiting on the Spring Breakers at Lake Havasu?
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Old 10-26-2011, 07:48 AM  
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You got me. I love Big Lots!

Actually, I also have most of my family living on Oahu, and am trying to synchronize my visit with their busy schedule.
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Old 10-26-2011, 08:50 AM  
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Imho #1

I wish I could take credit for this but I grabbed this from a site several years ago. It made real sense to me at the time and still does. This applies to men just as much as it does women. And if I remember correctly it was written by a man, could be wrong about that though. So put on your big boy/girl pants and get ready to internalize. IMHO #7 is a big issue with women, the Cinderella Complex. I have to break this up into more than 1 post.


Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Women Keep Themselves From Living The Love Life Of They're Dreams- And How To Make Sure You Avoid Every One Of Them...

MISTAKE #1: Betting Your Love Life On His "Potential"
Do you know any women who want the man they're dating to behave differently? Of course you do. And just like me, I'm sure you have friends who date guys who don't have much going for them or who don't treat them very well. Somehow these women always have an excuse for the guy's shortcomings.
What's going on here?
It's actually very simple. Women (and men) don't base their choices of men on how "nice" or "good" someone
is to them day-to-day. Women choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for
them. And guess what? Some women will continue to put up with a guy that doesn't treat them very well. Sometimes for months or years...
But why in the world would a woman do that!? Well, to put it simply, they confuse the strong attraction they feel for the guy with a deeper "connection". Women who do this are doomed to end up in failed relationships with the "wrong" guys. How do I know? because I've seen it at least a hundred times... And because I've been this guy in the past myself.
Thinking back on past dating and relationships I've had, I was selfish and didn't offer much. I'm amazed the women put up with me. But they did...all the while hoping that I would somehow change. The women I dated hoped I'd change. The only thing they saw in me that led them to want to keep me around was the "potential" they saw in me to share my feelings and communicate with them.
The potential for something better and the potential for me to change and be a better lover, boyfriend, companion or whatever...
The truth was, I was hopelessly bad at these things at the time. More importantly, I wasn't even at a place in my life where I knew how to or was interested in developing a deep and committed relationship - with ANYONE. But deep down these women believed that if they tried hard enough, that it would make up for what was lacking. hey believed that I could become someone else with them.... and that this would be easy for us both.
Talk about a losing battle. It doesn't make a lot of "logical" sense...
But until you accept that lots of women do this AND that YOU could be doing it on some level, you'll NEVER have the success with men that you choose and want.

MISTAKE #2: Assuming You "Get" Men & Their Psychology
Men are different from women. You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a woman sees a man, she can very quickly pick apart certain things about his style, body language, status and character that will tell her all kinds of things about him. Lot's of women don't even consciously see that they do this because the process is so obvious and simple for them.
But does the same apply for men?
As you probably already know, men are generally more visual. As a result, they often don't understand non-verbal communication as well as women. And men often lack what women have in emotional awareness and "intuition". Women don't seem to remember this about men. So do men feel sexually attracted to w0men based just on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for years now, and talking to thousands of men and women, I can tell you that men have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Especially when it comes to longer term relationships. Looks just happen to be the most obvious way...
But looks are NOT the most powerful. If you know how to use your body language AND communication correctly, you can make men feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see that hot, great looking guy that you got to know. But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this. And ANY woman can learn how...

MISTAKE #3: Pretending To Be Something For A Man
In the desire to please a man, women are constantly doing things to get a man's attention, to get him to like them or to make him more attracted or in love with them.
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Lots of women mistakenly think that doing unusual things to try and get a guys attention will make him magically see what a great catch they are and want to be with them.
Wrong.
Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted to the types of women who kiss up to them, make weak plays for affection or complain to get what they want... EVER. Don't get me wrong here. Things like being sexy for a man or encouraging him to share his feelings can be good, but it has to be genuine, unselfish, and most of all timely.
You don't have to act like an "easy" woman for men to like you, and you certainly don't have to play like he's some gift to the Earth. Doing these things actually works to subtly, at an subconscious level, lower your social status with a man, which has EVERYTHING to do with how he sees you as a woman. So if you think that making him more attracted to you means "playing to the man's fantasies" from the start, think again.
You'll never succeed by looking for a man's approval, finding your way into his heart through sex and not being yourself.

MISTAKE #4: Sharing How You "Feel" Too Early With Him
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most women make with men is sharing how they "feel" too early on.
Listen...
Attractive, single, successful men are rare. They get a LOT of attention from women. Most women don't realize this, but attractive men are being approached in one way or another all the time by women.
And guess what?
Attractive men have usually dated a lot of women. That's right. They have EXPERIENCE. They know what to expect. And one thing that turns an attractive men off and sends him running away faster than just about anything...
It's a woman who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates. This signals to the man that you're just like one of those "clingy" stereotype women who want to rush into a relationship and can't control yourself from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives. This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man.
Don't do it. Lean back. Relax. There's a much better way...

MISTAKE #5: Misreading The Important "Signals" That Men Send
Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves.
Most women don't pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are. The signals men send have 4 main levels:
1) Social: Where the man is at in his own life - stability, confidence, direction
2) Emotional: Whether or not he's "emotionally available"
3) Physical: If he's attracted to you... and for what reasons
4) Love State: If he's open to building and growing a relationship in the future
The funny thing is that men send signals in these areas completely on accident. That's great news to women...
Men can't help it! You need to learn to recognize these signals to get anywhere serious with a man.

> MISTAKE #6: Relying On Your Natural Ability To Judge A Man's Character
People aren't easy to figure out. Especially men. The last several years of my life I've spent hundreds of hours learning to understand people. I've studied peoples behavior, "inner psychology" and more specifically how they think and act when they're dating.
From what I've seen, both men and women have their own secret ways of saying things. But you can only see these secret communications if you know what to look for. Women communicate with hints, body language, sarcasm, and flirting when they're first getting to know a man. They can either directly or indirectly let men know if they're open to something more serious.
Men are different. Men generally communicate with sarcasm, humor, cockiness and other "indirect" displays of status. VERY RARELY will a man be able to honestly communicate to a woman whether or not he's ready or capable of developing a meaningful relationship. Aside from their sexual interests, men send very indirect signals about where they're at. If you don't know how to read through the signals men send, then you'll get the wrong message. Getting the wrong messages from men causes women more pain and heartache than any other issue around. You can avoid this pain if you learn to identify a good man from a bad one.
Continued.
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Old 10-26-2011, 08:51 AM  
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Houston, Texas
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Imho #2

Please read IMHO #1 first, this is a continuation.
MISTAKE #7: Expecting A Relationship To Make You Happy
A mistake I've seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled. And sure, there are situations and relationships where this happens. But those are the exceptions, not the rule. Nothing says "Run!" to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her.
And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there.
Think, "controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!" So let me be clear...
I think it's important that people help fulfill each other in their lives, whether it's dating, a relationship, whatever. But if a woman communicates that she's looking for a guy to take care of her, complete her, make her whole, and all that kind of stuff - it has a VERY negative effect on what the man will think of her. It doesn't have to be spoken by the woman either...
If a woman thinks or feels this way, the man will see it and pick up on it, regardless. This is arguably the worst thing a woman can do early on when dating a man. So what can you do as a woman?
You can get the man interested and involved in your life in a more "natural" way, where he'll be motivated to make you care about your happiness and fulfillment on his own. This is the only way it really works for people - male or female. Self-motivation is much stronger than external motivation. But you have to know how to create this situation with a man... and it rarely happens by accident.
MISTAKE #8: Trying To "Convince" Him To Like You Or Love You
What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like... but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious? Right! They try to "convince" the man to feel differently. Well, I have news for you...
YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, ever. You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning". Think about it.
If a man doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being "reasonable" with him? But we all do it. Men are the worst at this by the way. They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts. Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man. She might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him. When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches.
Bad idea. Another one that will never work.

MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing What To Do In Each Type Of Situation
A man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman...
And I don't mean just sex. I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you're out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you. And if you don't know HOW to find this out, and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won't help! If you don't know what to do in each situation, you'll probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.

MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want. I know, you don't like to make yourself look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help. Hey, I've been there myself. Let me tell you a little about me. Over the last few years it's been hard to watch the women around me (even those I dated) struggle to understand the men they were attracted to or dating. It frustrated the hell out of me and I made the decision to do whatever it took to help the women I knew learn how to be successful with men and dating.

Well, after a lot of hard work and doing all kinds of crazy things to learn the real-world truth about men and women, I finally figured things out for myself. I've read hundreds of books on psychology, human behavior, dating/relationship advice for men and women, love, attraction, communication, and more. The list goes on. I can now approach just about any situation with dating and feel confident and understand everything that's going on in an interaction. Best of all, I've been able to share my knowledge and help women become more successful with men and dating. It's been a very rewarding experience, and it's how I became fascinated with the female perspective in the dating world. I've helped women get rid of that sick, insecure feeling... the one you get when you're lonely, you've been hurt or lied to, or when a man you have feelings for says "he's not ready". You don't have to be afraid you might wind up being lied to, cheated on or that you'll end up alone.
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Old 11-26-2011, 11:25 PM  
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Duncan, Oklahoma, (formerly So, California)
Join Date: Oct 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oldognewtrick View Post
I was 13 years into my 1st marriage when I got my "T" shirt. Out of the blue "I'm not happy, I haven't been happy and I don't think I'm going to be happy". I guess I should have seen it coming but hindsight is 20/20.

I remember sitting in a restaurant in Knoxville with a sales mgr of mine, he had gone through this about a year earlier. His advise to me was "whoever was at fault, at this point it doesn't matter. What you need to do is forgive her, forgive yourself, and get on with life. You have a choice when you get up tomorrow. You can be a survivor or you can be a victim. Your choice."

Sometimes life isn't fair, sometimes things don't turn out like we had hoped, sometimes you have to let wounds heal. Time helps, so do friends.
This couldn't have been said much better .
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Old 11-27-2011, 12:21 AM  
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Duncan, Oklahoma, (formerly So, California)
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 613 | Kudos: +15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sideways View Post
Please read IMHO #1 first, this is a continuation.
MISTAKE #7: Expecting A Relationship To Make You Happy
A mistake I've seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled. And sure, there are situations and relationships where this happens. But those are the exceptions, not the rule. Nothing says "Run!" to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her.
And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there.
Think, "controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!" So let me be clear...
I think it's important that people help fulfill each other in their lives, whether it's dating, a relationship, whatever. But if a woman communicates that she's looking for a guy to take care of her, complete her, make her whole, and all that kind of stuff - it has a VERY negative effect on what the man will think of her. It doesn't have to be spoken by the woman either...
If a woman thinks or feels this way, the man will see it and pick up on it, regardless. This is arguably the worst thing a woman can do early on when dating a man. So what can you do as a woman?
You can get the man interested and involved in your life in a more "natural" way, where he'll be motivated to make you care about your happiness and fulfillment on his own. This is the only way it really works for people - male or female. Self-motivation is much stronger than external motivation. But you have to know how to create this situation with a man... and it rarely happens by accident.
MISTAKE #8: Trying To "Convince" Him To Like You Or Love You
What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like... but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious? Right! They try to "convince" the man to feel differently. Well, I have news for you...
YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, ever. You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning". Think about it.
If a man doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being "reasonable" with him? But we all do it. Men are the worst at this by the way. They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts. Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man. She might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him. When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches.
Bad idea. Another one that will never work.

MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing What To Do In Each Type Of Situation
A man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman...
And I don't mean just sex. I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you're out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you. And if you don't know HOW to find this out, and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won't help! If you don't know what to do in each situation, you'll probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.

MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want. I know, you don't like to make yourself look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help. Hey, I've been there myself. Let me tell you a little about me. Over the last few years it's been hard to watch the women around me (even those I dated) struggle to understand the men they were attracted to or dating. It frustrated the hell out of me and I made the decision to do whatever it took to help the women I knew learn how to be successful with men and dating.

Well, after a lot of hard work and doing all kinds of crazy things to learn the real-world truth about men and women, I finally figured things out for myself. I've read hundreds of books on psychology, human behavior, dating/relationship advice for men and women, love, attraction, communication, and more. The list goes on. I can now approach just about any situation with dating and feel confident and understand everything that's going on in an interaction. Best of all, I've been able to share my knowledge and help women become more successful with men and dating. It's been a very rewarding experience, and it's how I became fascinated with the female perspective in the dating world. I've helped women get rid of that sick, insecure feeling... the one you get when you're lonely, you've been hurt or lied to, or when a man you have feelings for says "he's not ready". You don't have to be afraid you might wind up being lied to, cheated on or that you'll end up alone.
Is that the end of it?...You just leave the person hanging..???????
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Old 11-27-2011, 10:02 AM  
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See In my humble opinion #1 10/28/11
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"Never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was legal. Never forget that everything the Founding Fathers did was not." Martin Luther King, Jr.
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