Originally Posted by HiHood
you're chasing the impossible dream, it appears, I would recommend pressing towards another ambition. One sided entanglements lead no where and often deflate to nothingness like a popping balloon. When I think back to my younger days of drink and women, (while marr'd) it was always home that I ended up. Now, knowing what's out there, I stay home. Like fast food and home cooking, yeah, when you're out and about hungered, one may stop for a quick burger, but always, always, better at home.
There is no dream--only acceptance of reality.
As I said I was very young and naieve when I first met him. He dated a friend of mine throughout high school--I didn't know her well, they broke up and we graduated. I knew him slightly--they attended church near my house. We were Wonder Years type people.
I could and am kicking myself pretty hard for not understanding that I was just someone to go out with when he came home for school breaks. He was nice to me and so I liked him. Freshmen year at college can be unsettling. I don't know it didn't seem so extraordinary.
When he got upset with me and never contacted me again---at that point I was stupid.
The recent communication sort of fills in the blanks. He is a very good person, has been successful in the military and his second career, was married for probably 25 or 30 years and raised two really great kids. Now he lives at the beach, works hard and enjoys his life. There is really nothing wrong with any of that. An alpha personality.
The problem was mine--I really cared about him in a way that he did not care for me. It seems to me that his 'flaw' may be some immaturity. Had he simply said or written--any sort of 'I've enjoyed knowing you--things are intense with the training' or 'I met someone'---I would have accepted---cried a bit but felt respected. By saying nothing---the feeling is that I didn't exist for him. Why contact someone like that again? Why contact someone that didn't interest you?
I can only assume that nostalgia/high school reunion stuff was involved. And possibly it was around the time of his divorce--I will never know.
He is a likable person, a friendly person and a good person. I would also add selfish in some ways and more accustomed to dealing with assertive/aggressive people in positions of leadership. Clearly he makes decisions and takes action without agonizing excessively. I would give my right arm to be like that --if the truth is known.
We are not on bad terms. I needed to finally tell him how I felt. All he could come up with was the 'I have no regrets'. I actually wanted to tell him---don't say that--say--'I am surprised to hear what you just told me--I'm not that great--or 'Thanks for being a fan'---I would probably have lol'd and said--'You are still an idiot but I like you anyway.'
And he is---and I do. lol--In high school one memory I have of him, he took his girlfriend and a couple of us to get a hamburger after school. He drove a tiny, old Renault --something was wrong with it and he was mad.
He worked for everything he achieved and he helps others. The sort of person I really like.
Would I have enjoyed being his wife---I don't know about that. I would have tried--if I had been asked. That is all that it is. Bruised ego and acceptance.
There was a good bit of chemistry, too.
Anyone who enjoys their life fully impresses me. He certainly does.