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Old 11-02-2010, 02:12 AM  
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My Struggle with Christianity

I just read through all these threads and it got me thinking. I have been thinking and searching a lot myself lately. I know I am not a christian as of yet but from reading the Bible I find that I have Christian values and morals. But I find myself still struggling trying to believe. My parents tried the best they could to force feed it into me, they still do sometimes. I think that is what drove me away from it when I was younger. Also the fact that my parents held Christianity in high regard yet I struggled to believe they were at that time because my father was abusive (that relationship is healed now, and another story) and my parents eventually divorced. But I was young and didn't understand it then. I was and am very lucky for I have. I do understand now but the past still seems to be imprinted on me. I feel like I am stuck in between right now. I do believe there is something out there though and I am looking. I also find myself hating every church I go to, I guess I don't believe in conformity? Just the pastors usually say something that I just don't get or agree with. Last time I was at church was when some pastor made a comment about that book the golden compass (this started because of the movie). The pastor said the book was something you want to stay away from because it can put poison and doubt in your mind and I saw all these people nodding their heads. In the book they kill their God not OUR God. It's a book, it's fiction. I bet not one of them had read this book, ever. I never went back. I just feel like I don't want to be taught from someone who could have it wrong. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I can't help the way I feel. I feel like I would be brainwashed into believing the wrong thing. Church just doesn't work for me, if it works for someone else that's great. I feel like I can take up the bible myself and take it for what it's worth. But I does it not say that we are supposed to seek out other Christians and spread the word? I rather keep to myself. I find more spiritual presence though inner thought and personal expressions and experiences. Like more within nature and though my individual self. I really don't know any other way to put it. I hope it makes sense.

Am I supposed to be waiting for something? I talk to God, I am searching, but I don't know if I have found that connection yet.
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Old 11-02-2010, 03:57 AM  
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If you find yourself in a situation whereas what you hear sounds like a bunch of garbled muck, walk out. If you are truely seeking God, that may be the Holy Spirit telling you that is not the right place for you. Don't mistake that from simply being something you don't 'want' to hear, most of us dont' what to hear the Truth at first.

You sound young. I suggest, at first and only at first, you find a larger church with a good youth program, youth/young adult groups will reach the mid-twenties in most large churches. The larger mainstream churches will give you some of the basics and from there you can move of with confidence. I know you said your parents took you to church and you may well have the basics, but you are now on your own and as an adult you will need to begin again.

You are not your parents, their failings are not yours so don't carry them around with you. Your parents divorce is not a failing of God nor the church, they own it, no one else.

Good luck and keep seeking, you will find a home, the blessing come to those who seek God.

Scott
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Old 11-02-2010, 04:36 AM  
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I'm a lot like you - it's kind of creepy.

My dad was a traveling pastor, so I was brought up in a home already filled with religion. However, he was never really around, so, in a weird way, I tied my dad's negative parenting actions in with the entire religious scene. But that's a story worth an entire new thread.

I've been in the Marine Corps for a while now, and have been to a lot of places with different religions, and have found far too many people who are complete hypocrites. Through this, and the large amounts of backbiting I saw in my dad's churches in my upbringing, I'm, what did you call it, sort of anti-establishment.

I have never and will never preach to anyone - like I do with my Marines, I lead by example and not by condemning or telling them to do something.

That being said, I encourage you to read the Bible on your own, or to get a personal devotion book - something that can just steer you, while letting you reflect on things on your own.

Take your time, feel things out, think them through, but I promise you that you'll know when God's tugging at your heart, if he hasn't already.

Above all, remember that you're not alone - millions of people before you have had these same struggles, so don't be afraid to ask questions - to me, or anyone in your life you may look up to for guidance.
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Old 11-02-2010, 09:37 AM  
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San Antonio, TX
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Belief in Christ as the Son of God and Savior is the only "requirement" to be a Christian. Churches exist to help you on your journey; find one that works for you.
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Old 11-02-2010, 11:11 AM  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake7 View Post
I'm a lot like you - it's kind of creepy.

My dad was a traveling pastor, so I was brought up in a home already filled with religion. However, he was never really around, so, in a weird way, I tied my dad's negative parenting actions in with the entire religious scene. But that's a story worth an entire new thread.

I've been in the Marine Corps for a while now, and have been to a lot of places with different religions, and have found far too many people who are complete hypocrites. Through this, and the large amounts of backbiting I saw in my dad's churches in my upbringing, I'm, what did you call it, sort of anti-establishment.

I have never and will never preach to anyone - like I do with my Marines, I lead by example and not by condemning or telling them to do something.

That being said, I encourage you to read the Bible on your own, or to get a personal devotion book - something that can just steer you, while letting you reflect on things on your own.

Take your time, feel things out, think them through, but I promise you that you'll know when God's tugging at your heart, if he hasn't already.

Above all, remember that you're not alone - millions of people before you have had these same struggles, so don't be afraid to ask questions - to me, or anyone in your life you may look up to for guidance.
Very well said, and I salute you sir!
Thanks for all that you do.
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Old 11-02-2010, 12:08 PM  
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Sarah... some of the most influential people who were also Christians were not regular church goers. Organized religion tells us that we mere mortals cannot comprehend G-d and need guidance from preachers, preists, and pastors. I disagree. I think that all of mankind was born with the ability to have a personal relationship with G-d. The Church can help with some things, but the majority of faith is inside yourself.
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Old 11-02-2010, 01:51 PM  
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lsmurphy- You are right when you say I am young. I have already walked out on many churches and youth groups. I think I dislike youth groups more sometimes. Rather than finding someone who is in the same position I am I find people who having nothing better to do than gossip. I had topic dermatitis as as a kid, which gave me many scars on my arms and legs. They are now faded but still noticable. The people (who were in there late teens and early twenties) at the last youth group were talking behind my back saying things like "She abuses/cuts herself. How awful." (Not in the worried kind of way. But in the shunning kind of way).Now I figured out why No one really talked to me. Rather than coming to me and asking me about it. I walked out, drove away. I really wish I had confronted them about it however. The youth group before that I actually liked, and I made friends with one of the girls there. But one of the other girls didn't like that I was friends with her. I ended up not having a friend there anymore. I left again.
Maybe I just have a string of bad luck? Maybe I am just jumping the gun too soon? To me though, I think the youth groups I have been to are a bunch of petty people. BUT I will see about seeking others like myself. Thanks Maybe I can find someone who knows of a better place to go.

Jake- We are a lot alike. I's funny because my grandfather was a pastor for 40 years and served. It's nice to know that there are others out there who feel the same. I would never preach at anyone either, because you cannot for force them into something that is an individual quest they must seek on their own. I will continue reading and seek out a devotional book. Thank you very much for the support, and for serving our country. I feel like maybe there is this tiny thread that God has wrapped around my heart, I just need Him to start yanking at it. Thank you so much.

Andy- That was one of the things got me about religion. That I must seek out guidance. I agree with your disagreement . Faith is personal and cannot be sought out for you by someone else. I am sure you can seek guidance when you need it from others in the same position.

Thanks guys, my heart feels a little more at ease. This always eats away at me at the oddest times of the night, lol. I will keep searching.
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Old 11-02-2010, 02:27 PM  
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Sarah, go look through some of my stuff on the Gnostics, and the Gnostic scriptures when you have a chance. These were early believers who broke with the church in its infacy. Some of it is pretty out there, but alot of it is very close to what the early Jesus movement believed (they weren't Christians per se at this time).
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Old 11-03-2010, 04:26 PM  
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Good luck young lady, I'm 50yrs old, been baptized in three churches, and still searching for the "meaning".

I did some research of early Christianity, and it kinda turned me off, the early origins of the church(a.d. 800-900+) mixed a lot of old religions together and many are still practiced today. Kinda makes you wonder....

Hope you find what you are searching for.....if not, keep searching.
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Old 11-03-2010, 06:53 PM  
Carolina Jeep Girl
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krutj View Post
Good luck young lady, I'm 50yrs old, been baptized in three churches, and still searching for the "meaning".

I did some research of early Christianity, and it kinda turned me off, the early origins of the church(a.d. 800-900+) mixed a lot of old religions together and many are still practiced today. Kinda makes you wonder....

Hope you find what you are searching for.....if not, keep searching.
Oh wow, I guess we are always searching for meaning and truth?
&Thank you very much I hope you find what you are looking for as well.
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