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Old 08-01-2003, 08:00 PM  
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GEORGE W. BUSH RESUME

GEORGE W. BUSH RESUME
The White House, USA

* ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
* I attacked and took over two countries.
* I spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the
Treasury.
* I shattered the record for the biggest annual
deficit in history.
* I set an economic record for the most private
bankruptcies filed in any
12 month period.
* I set all-time record for the biggest drop in the
history of the stock market.
* I am the first president in decades to execute a
federal prisoner.
* I am the first president in US history to enter
office with a criminal record.
* In my first year in office I set the all-time
record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.
* After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I
presided over the worst security failure in US history.
* I set the record for most campaign fund raising
trips by any president in US history.
* In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost
their job.
* I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work
Americans than any other president in US history.
* I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in
a 12-month period.
* I appointed more convicted criminals to
administration positions than any
president in US history.
* I set the record for the fewest press conferences
of any president since the advent of TV.
* I signed more laws and executive orders amending
the Constitution than any other US president in history
* I presided over the biggest energy crises in US
history and refused to intervene when corruption
was revealed.
* I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US
history and refused to use the national reserves as
past presidents have.
* I cut health care benefits for war veterans.
* I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people),
shattering the record for protest against any person in the history
of mankind.
* I dissolved more international treaties than any
President in US history.
* I've made my presidency the most secretive and
unaccountable of any in US history.
* Members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in UShistory. (The poorest multimillionaire,
Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker
named after her).
* I am the first president in US history to have all
50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.
* I presided over the biggest corporate stock market
fraud in any market in
any country in the history of the world.
* I am the first president in US history to order a
US attack and military
occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so
against the will of the United
Nations and the world community.
* I have created the largest government department
bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
* I set the all-time record for biggest annual
budget spending increases,
more than any other president in US history.
* I am the first president in US history to have the
United Nations remove the US from the Human
Rights Commission.
* I removed more checks and balances, and have the
least amount of congressional oversight than any
presidential administration in US history.
* I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
* I withdrew from the World Court of Law.
* I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners
of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
* I am the first president in US history to refuse
United Nations election
inspectors access during the 2002 US elections.
* I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for
most corporate campaign donations.
* The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign,
who is also one of my best friends, presided over
one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds
in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron
Corporation).
* I spent more money on polls and focus groups than
any president in US history.
* I am the first president to run and hide when the
US came under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy
had the code to Air Force 1)
* I am the first US president to establish a secret
shadow government.
* I took the world's sympathy for the US after 911,
and in less than a year made the US the most resented
country in the world (possibly the biggest
diplomatic failure in US and world history).
* I am the first US president in history to have a
majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my
presidency as the biggest threat to world
peace and stability.
* I am the first US president in history to have the
people of South Korea
more threatened by the US than by their immediate
neighbor, North Korea.
* I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals
to be awarded
government
contracts.
* I set the all-time record for the number of
administration appointees who
violated US law by not selling their huge investments
in corporations bidding for gov't contracts.
* I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties
for Americans than any other president in US history.
In a little over two years I have created the
most divided country in decades, possibly the most
divided that the US has been since the civil war.
* I entered office with the strongest economy in US
history and in less than two years turned every single
economic category heading straight down.

* RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
* I have at least one conviction for drunk driving
in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is
not available).
* I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted
the military during time of war. I refuse to take a drug
test or even answer any questions about drug use.
* All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have
been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public view.
* All records of any SEC investigations into my
insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public view.
* All minutes of meetings of any public corporation
for which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy
and unavailable for public view.
* Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP)
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public review.

* PERSONAL REFERENCES:
* For personal references, please speak to my dad or uncle James
Baker (They can be reached in their offices at the Carlyle Group where theyare helping to divide up the spoils of the US-Iraq war and plan for the next one).
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Old 08-02-2003, 03:49 PM  
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 259 | Kudos: +0
that's pretty impressive...but it's just way to long, if i was CEO of a corporation i would rip that resume up, because it exceeds the two page limit....
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