South carolina highway patrol......jokes!

[teaberryeagle]

Jokes I received in an e-mail........enjoy...

Subject: SC State Patrol




Those Southerners have a way with words!





These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:


1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....



16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

[blucher]

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

My friend skated on dozens of potential speeding tickets. She was a doll, always dressed well and guys got quiet when she walked in a room.

Worked perfect for her until she hit 40 and the PA State Police hired a slew of 20 year olds who didn't find 40 so hot.

[havasu]

I enjoyed watching the pretty ones lower their tops and sweet talk me as they nibbled on their hair. When I would come back with a citation for them to sign, they became truckers and their mouths would spew the ugliest words possible. When that didn't phase me, the water works would start, and I would only ask that they don't drop tears on my citation, because bodily fluid transmission is dangerous.

[Blank_doubt]

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

SADLY, there ARE some people (and some are elected officials) that, being sober, couldn't answer that question.

[ChrisNukemYJ]

Oh man I was rolling on the floor. My favorite was this one.

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

[blucher]

Originally Posted by havasu

I enjoyed watching the pretty ones lower their tops and sweet talk me as they nibbled on their hair. When I would come back with a citation for them to sign, they became truckers and their mouths would spew the ugliest words possible.

Frankly I resented the idea that cute could skate on speeding tickets while I was bustin my butt to avoid them. Later on she got busted for a DUI and brought me to a show and tell guest night in her DUI class. That was a complete hoot.

nice Jewish girl gets DUI while Irish alky helps her understand her drinking had become self destructive.

[snoopy123]

This is some that that I never heard of. This is something definitely to print out and use. LOLOLOL!