Alabama: Monty Burns - Old power and the richest dude in town; has had some struggles in recent years and considered by most to be pure evil
Arkansas: Slack Jawed Local - Never really does ***** but redneck and kind of somewhere hanging around on the outskirts, occasionally with inexplicable loads of cash. Can foil your plans from time-to-time.
Auburn: Fat Tony - Always breaking the law, constantly avoiding inept and unwilling law enforcement officials (Wiggum), while yet never really accomplishing jack.
Florida: Bart Simpson - Made a huge splash out of nowhere onto the national scene in the 1990’s, but has since been in and out of popularity and surpassed by other characters. Thinks the world began in 1990, and that everything revolves around him. Wears blue shorts and still stickin’ with the spiked hair.
Georgia: Krusty the Clown - Long time member of the conference. Has had some real success in the sport, but it’s been awhile since they were on top. Still good for a few laughs and can certainly stir the pot. Just when you think they are going to rise in the rankings, they fall flat and end up looking kinda dumb. Still don't mind watching them on TV.
Kentucky: Apu Nahasapeemapetilan - Not really from ‘around here’, but speaks English with a funny accent so we let 'em in. Generally, people don’t mind having them around since they have no real enemies. We think
they are smart, but aren’t really 100% sure about this. Probably should appear in a different conference, but we keep them around as the ‘token’ (in this case token basketball team).
LSU: Disco Stew - Wasn't all that important of a character in the past, but has had a rise in popularity and importance recently. You never know what he's going to do, and you can't explain how he gets out of some of the situations he gets in. Regardless, win or lose, you know he's going to party hard.
Ole Miss: Rich Texan - Sociable and hoot to watch. Thinks himself to be sophisticated, but irrelevant and largely living off stuff he did forever ago. And racist. So very racist.
Mississippi State: Moe Szyslak - Depressed, downtrodden, showed hints of promise decades ago but has since crashed and burned and is now pretty much pathetic. When tired of the abuse from others, will lash out. Rarely does anything go his way. Even when it appears it should, he never gets the girl (Cam Newton) that could turn it all around for him.
South Carolina: Ned Flanders - Nice guy but he doesn't really fit in all that well with his neighbors. Largely relies on the word of an old God that many have little faith in these days. He rarely hurts or offends anyone, but has the ability to be a real annoyance from time to time.
Tennessee: Drederick Tatum - Former powerhouse and dominant force in his sport, though his run was riddled with crime and likely fueled by egregious rules violations in its own right. Finally self-imploded over time due to arrogance, stupidity, and incompetence. Now in the gutter.
Vanderbilt: Lisa Simpson - Smart, yet annoying. Tolerable in small doses as background fodder, insufferable when forced to watch for any extended period of time. Content to take everyone else's bullying knowing she's smarter than them.
NCAA: Chief Wiggum - Obviously, little explanation needed. Bumbling, incompetent, really doesn’t care, would rather just drink coffee and eat donuts. Occasionally goes nuclear on someone to get off on a power trip and remind people he is tough.
Mike Slive, SEC Commissioner: Mayor Quimby - The picture of corrupt politics. Wikipedia says it perfectly: "He appears as a slick, opportunistic politician whose chief priorities seem to be keeping himself in office...and various other forms of corruption, including..taking bribes from Fat Tony, and giving monthly kickbacks to Police Chief Wiggum...If bending the law will suit Quimby's purposes, he will likely do so."