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Old 03-23-2012, 01:21 AM  
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Where's the gun rack?
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Old 04-29-2012, 04:15 PM  
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Dynamite and septic tanks (bad mix) Hilarious



Take the time to listen to and watch this video in a rural cafe around farmers,
ranchers and oil field hands... you will appreciate not only the content but
also the delivery and the obvious authenticity......

This story must have been told in the Bandera Silver Dollar
ONLY IN TEXAS !

http://www.youtube.com/embed/zzabmVIU6EQ





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Old 07-25-2012, 08:42 AM  
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THE COYOTE

Different response between two states:

********** California *******

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail.

A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.

1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.

2. He calls animal control . Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

4. The Governor goes to a hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.


5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.

6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.

7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.

9. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the State.

********** Texas *******

The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.
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Old 08-02-2012, 01:40 PM  
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Here's a "Live" webcam in Texas for you to view during your leisure......
I'm definitely enjoying it...be sure to turn your speakers up as you
also have the audio.....thanks, TEXAS!!

RIO GRANDE VALLEY CHAPTER TEXAS MASTER NATURALISTS
http://sabalpalmsanctuary.org/feedercam/

Quote:
Common species include Green Jay, Chachalaca, Black-Crested Titmouse, White-Tipped Dove, Long-Billed Thrasher, Golden-Fronted Woodpecker, Northern Cardinal, and Olive Sparrow. Most of which are special to the Lower Rio Grande Valley, found no where else in the United States. We hope you enjoy our birds as much as we do!

Through the generous support of the Rio Grande Valley Chapter Texas Master Naturalists, Sabal Palm Sanctuary has created a LIVE Bird Feeder Camera. This camera allows viewers the world wide to take a little piece of our Sanctuary home with them!
I saw one of these while viewing the webcam.....never heard of one before, but one appeared while I was watching.....lucky, I guess.......

Plain Chachalaca
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Old 09-02-2012, 05:08 AM  
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Garden Snake

Garden snakes, also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis), can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why. A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from
a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room, naked, to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell
over on the floor.

His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now, the police had arrived. (BREATHE HERE)

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb exploded, it started a fire in the
drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog that, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed. Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

And that's when he shot her.

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Old 09-20-2012, 10:32 AM  
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PUBLIC TOILET

This is a picture of a public toilet in Houston
.... From the outside:
(scroll down.)







Now that you've seen the outside view,
Take a look at the inside view...







It's

Made entirely of one-way glass!
No one can

See you from the outside,

But when you are inside

it's like sitting in a clear
Glass box!



Now would you...
COULD YOU....???


NEXT

--

A
PAINTED BATHROOM
FLOOR!!!



Tenth floor of a hi-rise building.........


IMAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY ..
AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM....

You open the door....
NOW, REMEMBER

THE FLOOR IS JUST A PAINTED FLOOR!



IT TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY......


DOESN'T IT?

Scroll

Sloooooooowly.


.......















Would this mess up your mind???
Would you be able to walk
Into this bathroom???

-------------------------------------

FINALLY!!

THIS IS A CEILING MURAL......


IN A SMOKER'S LOUNGE.






Please

Share with friends with a sense of

Humor.


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Old 09-20-2012, 12:08 PM  
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None of the pics in the last post showed up...
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Old 09-20-2012, 04:38 PM  
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This is another try at the photos......these two accompany the beginning topics......
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Old 09-28-2012, 09:28 AM  
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Don't miss the end of this .... it's the best part!


Cowboy Solution (This is Good) I really like the gasoline part!!!


I have lived, loved, lost, and loved again. Life is not easy ... but it is what it is.


Cowboy rules for:
Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma,Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming,
Montana, Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I
want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus.
Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us.
Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south.
Pick one and go.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines
that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are
comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held
the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order
the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables,
and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ...
We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot,
drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees,
the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway.
We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that
probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to
understand what a real life is all about!!!

And there is more.............
The COWBOY Solution to save Gasoline.

OBAMA wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use.....
The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal immigrants!

That would be 15 million less people using our gas.
The price of gas would come down.....
Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders....

When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a canteen,
rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....

Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR military....

Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it......

After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country.....
He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident.....
This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops
in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. .......

If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, withoutthe canteen, rifle or ammo.

Problem solved.....

If you think this is a good solution to both the problems, forward it to your friends...........

I just did..........


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Old 04-16-2014, 07:18 AM  
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This One For A Speeding Ticket




Two Texas Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on Hwy 77, just south of Kingsville , Tx


One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the town of Kingsville ... The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour and climbing.


The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then it suddenly turned off.



Just then a deafening roar over the Mesquite treetops on Hwy 77 revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near it's Naval Air home base location in Kingsville Tx .
Back at the Texas Highway Patrol Headquarters in Corpus Christi the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the US Naval Base Commander in Kingsville for shutting down his equipment.


The reply came back in true USMC style:


'Thank you for your letter...


You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.


Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment's location. Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status, and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position, on the side of Hwy 77 So. Of Kingsville .....


The pilot suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech.


Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears that the filling is missing. Also, the snap is broken on his holster.'


Semper Fi



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