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Old 03-08-2012, 06:27 AM  
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And god created virginia......a little virginia humour!




AND GOD CREATED VIRGINIA

(Even non-Virginians should love this one.)

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the
Archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael . Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it.

I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael , "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.

"For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor.

Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people.

Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries.

"This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"That's Virginia , the most glorious place on earth.

There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains.

The people from Virginia are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world.

They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things"

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God smiled, "Right next to Virginia is Washington , D.C. Wait till you see the idiots I put there."








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Old 08-05-2012, 08:48 AM  
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IT'S SO HOT in VIRGINIA…….


.....the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.
.....the trees are whistling for the dogs.
.....the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance
.....hot water comes from both taps.
.....you can make sun tea instantly.
.....you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
.....the temperature drops below 90 F and you feel a little chilly.
.....you discover that in July it only takes two fingers to steer your car.
.....you discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
.....you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
.....you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 A.M.
.....your biggest motorcycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death"?
.....you realize that asphalt has a liquid stage.
.....the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter.
.....the cows are giving evaporated milk.
.....farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

IT'S SO DRY IN VIRGINIA that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling,
the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the
Presbyterians are giving rain checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water!














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