6 Reasons The Guy Who's Fixing Your Computer Hates You
So, two months down the line if I get a call from you, saying, "That program you installed messed up my computer." I will beat you until it causes hydrogen fusion. Or at least I will imagine myself doing it.
While fixing your computer I will explain all of this, and talk about how an entire industry of malicious free downloads thrives purely because so many Internet users are trusting souls like you. You believe all men are good at heart, especially on the Internet, so no amount of antivirus warning popups will convince you that the people distributing "Wild Bill's Poker Roundup" for free want anything but the best for you.
But other times it's just that whoever's computer I'm working on wants to make sure I know that they didn't screw it up. It's, "I told my son not to install that Firefox thing." Yes, Firefox broke your computer, not the 27 "free screensavers" websites that each came with their own toolbar, or the hundreds and hundreds of sketchy porn sites.
"Yes. A hacker, out of the blue, decided to break into your computer and place temporary files onto the system in the hopes that a repairman would see them and then report them to you. Evil hackers have it in for your son, and this is by far the best way to do it."
Your setup wouldn't sell for a couple hundred bucks. It won't sell for 10 bucks. Remember that "obsolete" thing I mentioned earlier? That means that virtually nobody on the planet has any use for it. I don't care that you paid $1,000 for it 10 years ago. Right now, it's worth less than the shipping and handling fees it would take to deliver it to your customer. Computers degrade in value at roughly the same rate as bananas.
But I bring this to your attention because from now on, when you download anything, pause for a moment while you're blindly and rapidly clicking "next" on each window that pops up, and look for the word "toolbar" on the list of things they're asking to cram onto your computer. Uncheck it if it will let you. If it won't, just bail out of the whole thing.
You just told me to wipe it. Did you not know what that means? Because when I said "lose everything," I didn't mean, "lose just the bad stuff." I meant every mother****ing thing. In some cases, this is a breakdown in communication. The person has heard a "computer guy" use the term "wipe" before, and they're just repeating it. Trying to connect with you by using terms you're familiar with -- even if they're not. "Yeah, 'wipe,' like when you're cleaning a window, right? You wipe it off?"
Or, they figure I couldn't have wiped everything because, look, Windows is still there. Hey, maybe that other stuff is still hiding somewhere, too!
I'll believe corporations are persons when Texas executes one.: LBJ's Ghost