I didn't realize it, but these coupons are good for one gallon of gas at all gas stations. You probably have one or two just lying around somewhere,
now is the time to use them before they lose their value, and it's too late!
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence.
The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008. SO..., it was determined to be Bush's fault.
Latest e-mail ....... especially for us "old" folks........
Subject:Check for Alzheimer's - Pretty Amazing
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School
of Psychiatry at Harvard University
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.
The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it!
1. This is this cat. 2. This is is cat. 3. This is how cat. 4. This is to cat. 5. This is keep cat. 6. This is an cat. 7. This is old cat. 8. This is fart cat. 9. This is busy cat. 10. This is for cat. 11. This is forty cat. 12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the topdown and ....... I betcha you cannot resist passing it on... ; )
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the Pharmacy, walked up to the Pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide."
The Pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The Pharmacist's eyes grew big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the Pharmacist's wife.
The Pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Below is an article written by Rick Reilly of Sports Illustrated...
He details his experiences when given the opportunity to fly in aF-14
Tomcat.. If you aren't laughing out loud by the time you get to ' Milk
Duds ', your sense of humor is seriously broken.
This message is for America ' s most famous athletes:
Someday you may be invited to fly in the back-seat of one of your
country ' s
Most powerful fighter jets. Many of you already have. John Elway,
John Stockton, Tiger Woods to name a few. If you get this opportunity,
Let me urge you, with the greatest sincerity.... Move to Guam .
Change your name.
Fake your own death!
Whatever you do.
Do Not Go!!!
The U.S. Navy invited me to try it. I was thrilled. I was pumped.
I was toast! I should've known when they told me my pilot would be Chip
(Biff) King of Fighter Squadron 213 at Naval Air Station Oceana in
Virginia Beach ..
Whatever you ' re thinking a Top Gun named Chip (Biff) King looks
Like, triple it. He ' s about six-foot, tan, ice-blue eyes, wavy surfer
Finger-crippling handshake -- the kind of man who wrestles
Dyspeptic alligators in his leisure time. If you see this man, run the
Other way. Fast.
Biff King was born to fly. His father, Jack King, was for years the
Voice of NASA missions. ( ' T-minus 15 seconds and counting
Chip would charge neighborhood kids a quarter each to hear his dad.
Jack would wake up from naps surrounded by nine-year-olds waiting
For him to say, ' We have liftoff ' .
Biff was to fly me in an F- 14D Tomcat, a ridiculously powerful $60
Weapon with nearly as much thrust as weight, not unlike Colin
I was worried about getting airsick, so the night before the flight I
Biff if there was something I should eat the next morning.
' Bananas, ' he said.
' For the potassium? ' I asked.
' No, ' Biff said, ' because they taste about the same coming up
As they do going down. '
The next morning, out on the tarmac, I had on my flight suit with my
Sewn over the left breast. (No call sign -- like Crash or Sticky or
But, still, very cool.) I carried my helmet in the crook of my arm, as
Instructed. If ever in my life I had a chance to nail Nicole Kidman,
this was it.
A fighter pilot named Psycho gave me a safety briefing and then fastened
Me into my ejection seat, which, when employed, would ' egress ' me out
Of the plane at such a velocity that I would be immediately knocked
Just as I was thinking about aborting the flight, the canopy closed
And Biff gave the ground crew a thumbs-up In minutes we were firing nose
Up at 600 mph. We leveled out and then canopy-rolled over another F-14.
Those 20 minutes were the rush of my life. Unfortunately, the ride
It was like being on the roller coaster at Six Flags Over Hell. Only
We did barrel rolls, snap rolls, loops, yanks and banks. We dived, rose
Dived again, sometimes with a vertical velocity of 10,000 feet per
We chased another F-14, and it chased us.
We broke the speed of sound. Sea was sky and sky was sea. Flying at
200 feet we did 90-degree turns at 550 mph, creating a G force of 6.5,
Which is to say I felt as if 6.5 times my body weight was smashing
Against me, thereby approximating life as Mrs.. Colin Montgomerie
And I egressed the bananas.
And I egressed the pizza from the night before.
And the lunch before that.
I egressed a box of Milk Duds from the sixth grade.
I made Linda Blair look polite. Because of the G ' s, I was egressing
Stuff that never thought would be egressed.
I went through not one airsick bag, but two.
Biff said I passed out. Twice.. I was coated in sweat. At one point,
As we were coming in upside down in a banked curve on a mock
Bombing target and the G ' s were flattening me like a tortilla and I
Was in and out of consciousness, I realized I was the first person
In history to throw down.
I used to know ' cool ' . Cool was Elway throwing a touchdown pass,
Or Norman making a five-iron bite.. But now I really know ' cool ' .
Cool is guys like Biff, men with cast-iron stomachs and freon nerves.
I wouldn ' t go up there again for Derek Jeter ' s black book, but I ' m
glad Biff does every day, and for less a year than a rookie reliever
makes in a home stand.
A week later, when the spins finally stopped, Biff called. He said
he and the fighters had the perfect call sign for me. Said he ' d
send it on a patch for my flight suit.