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Old 05-10-2013, 02:04 PM  
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SENIORS & COMPUTERS...........

As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers. I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.' I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired , 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.' Eric grinned... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before? 'No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.' So I wrote down: ID10T I used to like Eric, the little **** head . If you're not a Senior yet then send this to someone who is.


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Old 05-27-2013, 07:30 AM  
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----------Original Message----------

To all my dog and dog joke loving friends....





WORTH YOUR TIME...
ENJOY !
If you haven't had your laugh today, this will do it.



My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.


Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover.


At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."


Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."


The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."


Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."


The pharmacist said, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."










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Old 05-30-2013, 09:14 AM  
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http://reaganiterepublicanresistance...-was-here.html

KILROY WAS HERE!

If you don't remember seeing Kilroy graffiti, I think you will enjoy this. During WWII years, Kilroy was very often seen on buildings, etc. I had never heard the story behind Kilroy either, so was glad this was emailed. Enjoy





He is engraved in stone in the National War Memorial in Washington, DC- back in a small alcove where very few people have seen it.

For the WWII generation, this will bring back memories. For you younger folks, it's a bit of trivia that is a part of our American history.

Anyone born in 1913 to about 1950, is familiar with Kilroy. No one knew why he was so well known- but everybody got into it, I evenremember seeing him around public places in the late 60s..




So who the heck wasKilroy?

In 1946 the American Transit Association, through its radio program, "Speak to America ," sponsored a nationwide contest to find the real Kilroy, offering a prize of a real trolley car to the person who could prove himself to be the genuine article. Almost 40 men stepped forward to make that claim, but only James Kilroy from Halifax, Massachusetts, had evidence of his identity.

'Kilroy' was a 46-year old shipyard worker during the war who worked as a checker at the Fore River Shipyard in Quincy. His job was to go around and check on the number of rivets completed. Riveters were on piecework and got paid by the rivet. He would count a block of rivets and put a check mark in semi-waxed lumber chalk, so the rivets wouldn't be counted twice. When Kilroy went off duty, the riveters would erase the mark.



Later on, an off-shift inspector would come through and count the rivets a second time, resulting in double pay for the riveters.

One day Kilroy's boss called him into his office. The foreman was upset about all the wages being paid to riveters, and asked him to investigate. It was then he realized what had been going on. The tight spaces he had to crawl in to check the rivets didn't lend themselves to lugging around a paint can and brush, so Kilroy decided to stick with the waxy chalk. He continued to put his check mark on each job he inspected, but added 'KILROY WAS HERE' in king-sized letters next to the check, and eventually added the sketch of the chap with the long nose peering over the fence and that became part of the Kilroy message.

Once he did that, the riveters stopped trying to wipe away his marks. Ordinarily the rivets and chalk marks would have been covered up with paint. With the war on, however, ships were leaving the Quincy Yard so fast that there wasn't time to paint them. As a result, Kilroy's inspection "trademark" was seen by thousands of servicemen who boarded the troopships the yard produced.

His message apparently rang a bell with the servicemen, because they picked it up and spread it all over Europe and

the South Pacific.





Before war's end, "Kilroy" had been here, there, and everywhere on the long hauls to Berlin and Tokyo. To the troops outbound in those ships, however, he was a complete mystery; all they knew for sure was that someone named Kilroy had "been there first." As a joke, U.S. servicemen began placing the graffiti wherever they landed, claiming it was already there when they arrived.

Kilroy became the U.S. super-GI who had always "already been" wherever GIs went. It became a challenge to place the logo in the most unlikely places imaginable (it is said to be atop Mt. Everest, the Statue of Liberty, the underside of the Arc de Triomphe, and even scrawled in the dust on the moon.

As the war went on, the legend grew. Underwater demolition teams routinely sneaked ashore on Japanese-held islands in the Pacific to map the terrain for coming invasions by U.S. troops (and thus, presumably, were the first GI's there). On one occasion, however, they reported seeing enemy troops painting over the Kilroy logo!

In 1945, an outhouse was built for the exclusive use of Roosevelt, Stalin, and Churchill at the Potsdam conference. Its' first occupant was Stalin, who emerged and asked his aide (in Russian), "Who is Kilroy?"

To help prove his authenticity in 1946, James Kilroy brought along officials from the shipyard and some of the riveters. He won the trolley car, which he gave to his nine children as a Christmas gift and set it up as a playhouse in the Kilroy yard in Halifax, Massachusetts.


And the tradition continues...


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Old 05-31-2013, 02:24 PM  
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NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND...
You cannot read these without laughing.

They're real notes written by parents in the Memphis school district.



Spellings have been left intact.



1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.


3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.


4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.


5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days.
Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.


6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.


7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.


8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.


9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.


10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.


11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday..
She had the ****s. (BEST ONE)


12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday.
He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.


13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.


14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.


15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.


16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found itmonday. We thought it was sunday.


17.. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.


18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.


19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday.
He had a cold and could not breed well.


20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.


21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.


22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.


23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach.
Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat,
her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over.
I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever.
There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.


Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.








































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Old 06-03-2013, 08:57 PM  
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Another email.......




A.A.A.D.D.- KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!





Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.

Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
Put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
And notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back
On the table and take out the garbage first...

But then I think,
Since I'm going to be near the mailbox
When I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
And see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
So I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks,
But first I need to push the Pepsi aside
So that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,
And I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
A vase of flowers on the counter
Catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and
Discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
But first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter ,
Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
But I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
So I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
But first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
But quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
Get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
Remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
The car isn't washed,
The bills aren't paid,
There is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter,
The flowers don't have enough water,
There is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
And I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
And I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....

Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
Because I don't remember who I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!



P.S. I don't remember who sent it to me, so if it was you, I'm sorry

A.A.A.D.D. - KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!





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Old 06-03-2013, 09:08 PM  
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Alcohol Test
http://video.staged.com/preacher/alcohol_test


Quote:
Coming Soon to a Police Department Near You


Donít drink and drive or the police
may use this sobriety test on you!

Check out the new sobriety test .... click below.

Alcohol Test

http://video.staged.com/preacher/alcohol_test



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Old 07-16-2013, 08:53 AM  
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My travel plans for 2013:

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the
adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country
it is in, It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

PLEASE DO YOUR PART...

Today is one of the many National Mental Health Days throughout the year. You can do your bit by remembering to send an e-mail to at least one unstable person. My job is done!

You might want to adopt this rule for your everyday behavior: "Life is short. Smile while you still have your teeth."

From one unstable person to another... I hope everyone is happy in your head - we're all doing pretty well in mine.
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Old 07-16-2013, 09:01 AM  
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Why Do I Like Retirement !!!

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.


Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.


Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.


Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.


Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.


Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.


Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!


Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.


Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal .


Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.


Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.


Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.


And, my very favorite....
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
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Old 07-16-2013, 09:06 AM  
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SERENITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied...
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked..
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs
and have fun finding them.


I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart .
' Wal-Mart ?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'
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Old 08-09-2013, 07:37 AM  
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Subject: THE BAPTIST WHITE LIE CAKE







Have you ever told a white lie?

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the

Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa , but forgot to do it until the last minute.

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angelfood cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack for scout camp.

When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclaimed,

"Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake!"

So, being inventive, she looked around the house

for something to build up the center of the cake.

She found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet Paper.

She plunked it in and then covered it with icing.

Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect.

And, before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific
instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold.

Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her mom.

Alice was horrified-she was beside herself! Everyone would know!

What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed!

All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her

And talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time.

She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old south, and to Alice 's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert!

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake!

She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "what a beautiful cake!"



Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say,

"Thank you, I baked it myself."

Alice smiled and thought to herself,

"God is good."
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