North Dakota cowboy
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the North Dakota prairies without water.
His horse had already died of thirst. He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.
He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.
She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull gray dress.
There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie..You know how I work....You have three wishes.'
'I'm not falling for this.' said the cowboy... 'I'm not going to trust an IRS genie.'
'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right.
'OK!, I wish I were along-side a lush spring with plenty of food and drink.'
The cowboy finds himself beside the most beautiful spring he has ever seen and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'
'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says.... 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'
He was turned into a tampon.
Moral of the story:
If the U.S.government offers to help you,
there's going to be a string attached.
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee , and the third is from Montana . All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Montana contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. That's $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. That's $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.
And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.
I remember asking dad about Castro when I was about 9 years old. I asked, "Is Castro a good guy or bad?"
Dad said...he couldn't tell! This was about 1955. We were living in Louisiana ...at the time. Dad was in the Army there.
Cuba was fairly close and in the news a lot. The Cubans were asking the same question! Ike was president.
This past July, we had the pleasure of sharing a summer barbecue with a refugee from Cuba . Our dinner conversation was starkly different than most.
This refugee came to the United States as a young boy in the early 1960's. His family was more fortunate than most, as they were able to bring a suitcase...and $100 when they fled Castro's newly formed revolutionary paradise.
Our dinner consisted of all-American fare: hamburgers, potato salad, watermelon and fresh ears of sweet corn. This is a menu shared with family and friends nationwide...while celebrating the birth of our beloved America ...on the Fourth of July.
We began with a simple discussion about our country, and the direction it has taken since Barack Obama came to power. We shared the usual complaints about the sour economy and liberal social engineering emanating from the rulers in Washington .
But then he said it. The sentence came naturally. I assume it was unplanned. But it carried the weight of a freight train. "You know when Castro took power, none of us knew he was a Communist".
We sat stunned. He continued, "Yes, we all thought he was a patriot, a nationalist. Before the revolution he didn't sound like a radical."
The comparison at this point was easy, and I interjected, "You mean just like Barack Obama?"
He responded; "Yes, just like Barack Obama."
He continued, "We were all shocked as the government just continued to grab more power. First they said the revolution is over, so please turn in your guns. We all complied."
"I remember my uncle saying after it started; 'Castro will only nationalize some of the big industries. He will never come and take our family hardware store!! But that is exactly what happened. Castro started with the sugar mills and the large industries, but they eventually came and knocked on the door of our family hardware store. My
family had run this store for generations. They said we now own the hardware store, you work for us. And that nice, large four-bedroom home you own...it is now our property also, and...you can move yourself and five children into two rooms of the house, because others are moving in
The lesson learned from this discussion, is a lesson most Americans refuse to hear. Political leaders can lie about their agenda and once in office...they can take totally unexpected turns.
If you had asked us three years ago if we thought General Motors would be nationalized, we would have never believed it. We could never contemplate a country where the rule of law, the most fundamental building block of a justice society...would be evaporating, just like it
did in Castro's Cuba in the early 1960's.
But the news of injustice keeps increasing. Black Panthers are not charged with wrong doing by the U.S. Department of Justice...because their crimes are against whites. The bondholders of GM are stripped of their assets...without due process by the government! Governmental leaders are bribed in full daylight...only to have all investigation of
the crimes stifled...by the Attorney General.
The U.S. borders are over run with crime and illegal activity, and the leaders in D.C. act as if it is important to protect the lawbreakers...while the innocent are killed and over run. When local communities attempt to enforce the law, they are ridiculed...and threatened as racists and bigots. They are sued by the very administration...entrusted with enforcing the law.
Without the rule of law, the U.S. Constitution is a sham!! Without the rule of law, our beloved America is swiftly becoming a country where only the well connected and politically powerful will be safe. As Michelle Malkin has so eloquently explained in her recent book...a culture of corruption has replaced honest government.
The only way this problem will be fixed, is by massive citizen action. All honest citizens that want to be treated equally, must come together...and demand that the favoritism, the bribes, the uneven enforcement of law...end now!! And yes, it can happen here .
"A pen in the hand of this president is far more dangerous than a gun in the hands of 200 million law-abiding citizens."
To help save the economy, the Government will announce
next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting
seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security
and Medicare costs.
Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how
For only the second time in my adult life, I am not ashamed of my country. I want to thank the hard working American people for paying $242 thousand dollars for my vacation in Spain .
My daughter Sasha, several long-time family friends, my personal staff and various guests had a wonderful time.
Honestly, you just haven't lived until you have stayed in a
$2,500.00 per night private 3-story villa at a 5-Star luxury hotel.
Thank you also for the use of Air Force Two and the
70 Secret Service personnel who tagged along to be sure we
were safe and cared for at all times. By the way, if you
happen to be visiting the Costa del Sol, I highly recommend the Buenaventura Plaza restaurant in Marbella ; great lobster with rice and oysters! I'm ashamed to admit the lobsters we ate in Martha's Vineyard were not quite as tasty, but what can you do if you're not in Europe , you have to just grin and bear it?
Air Force Two (which costs $11,351 per hour to operate
according to Government Accounting Office reports) only used 47,500 gallons of jet fuel for this trip and carbon emissions were a mere 1,031 tons of CO2. These are only rough estimates, but they are close. That's quite a carbon footprint as my good friend Al Gore would say, so we must ask the American citizens to drive smaller, more fuel efficient cars and drive less too, so we can lessen our combined carbon footprint.
I know times are hard and millions of you are struggling to put food on the table and trying to make ends meet. So I do appreciate your sacrifices and do hope you find work soon.
I was really exhausted after Barack took our family on a luxury vacation in Maine a few weeks ago. I just had to get away for a few days.
Michelle (Moochelle) Obama
P.S. Thank you as well for the $2 BILLION dollar trip to India from which we just returned!
PPS. Thank you, too, for that vacation trip to Martha's Vineyard ; it was fabulous.
And thanks for that second smaller jet that took our dog Bo to Martha's Vineyard so we and the children could have him with us while we were away from the White House for eleven days. After all, we couldn't take him on Air Force One because he might pee on some wires or something.
PPPS. Oh, I almost forgot to say thanks also for our two-week trip to Hawaii at Christmas. That 7,000 square foot house was great!
PPPPS. don't forget my ski trip to Vail this winter and now the girls and I are in Africa with my mom. All this while Barack golfs and campaigns to keep my trips coming for the next 4 years !
Remember, we all have to share the pain of these economic times equally!
ONLY IN AMERICA....The new breadwinner in the family...
This is preposterous! An emergency room physician told me that a woman in her late 20's came to the ER today with her 8th pregnancy.
She told the first doctor she saw: "My Mama told me that I am the breadwinner for the family." He asked her to explain. She said that she can make babies and babies get money from the State for the family. It goes like this:
The Grandma calls the Department of Child & Family Services, and states that the unemployed daughter is not capable of caring for all of her kids. DCFS agrees, and tells her the Children will need to go into foster care. The Grandma then volunteers to be the foster parent, and receives a check for $1500 per child each month in Illinois.
Total yearly income: $144,000 tax-free and nobody has to go to work! In fact, they get more if there is No husband/father/man in the home! Not to mention free healthcare (Medicaid), plus a monthly card entitling them to free groceries and a voucher for 250 free Obamaphone minutes each month. This does not include WIC and other welfare benefits...
Indeed, Grandma was correct that her fertile daughter is the "breadwinner" for the family. This is how the liberal politicians spend our tax dollars. When this generous program was invented in the '60s, the Great Society architects forgot to craft an end date... And now we are hopelessly overrun with people who vote only for those who will continue to keep them on the dole....
No wonder our country is broke! Worse, the Muslims have been paying attention, and by mandating that each Muslim family have eleven children,
they will soon replace the voting bloc above and can be running this country within 50 years.
Are we alarmed yet? Is anybody listening?
Sebastian J. Ciancio, M.D. Urologist,
Danville Polyclinic, LTD
Is this a GREAT COUNTRY or what...? Don't forget to pay your taxes!!
There are a lot of ?breadwinners? Depending on you!