A new pastor in Topeka, Kansas, USA, spent the first four days making personal visits to each of his prospective congregation inviting them to come to his inaugural services.
The following Sunday the church was all but empty. Accordingly, the pastor placed a notice in the local newspapers, stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon.
Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the 'funeral'.
In front of the pulpit they saw a closed coffin which was covered in flowers. After the priest had delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church.
Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a 'dead church', all the people eagerly lined up to look in the coffin. Each 'mourner' peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with a guilty, sheepish look.
In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a large mirror.
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"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." - A. Einstein
A Funny, Thought-Provoking Story Not Found in The Bible
Menachim, a Jewish father was troubled by the way his son, Benjamin, had turned out, and went to see Rabbi Goldberg about it.
'I brought Benjamin up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah; it cost me a fortune to educate him, then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?' pleaded Menachim.
'Funny, Menachim, that you should come to me,' commented Rabbi Goldberg. 'Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University; that cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian.'
'What did you do?' inquired Menachim
'I turned to God for the answer,' replied the Rabbi.
'And what did He say?' pressed Menachim.
'God said, 'Funny you should come to me..........'
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"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." - A. Einstein
Don't let your worries get the best of you; Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
Until you try to sit in their pews.
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Many folks want to serve God,
But only as advisers.
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It is easier to preach ten sermons
Than it is to live one.
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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose,
But mosquitoes come close.
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When you get to your wit's end,
You'll find God lives there.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
People are funny; they want the front of the bus,
Middle of the road,
And back of the church.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Opportunity may knock once,
But temptation bangs on the front door forever.
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Quit griping about your church;
If it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
If a church wants a better pastor,
It only needs to pray for the one it has.
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We're called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God Himself doesn't propose to judge a man until
he is dead. So why should you?
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Some minds are like concrete
Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
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Peace starts with a smile.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
I don't know why some people change churches;
What difference does it make which one you stay home from?
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Stop, Drop, and Roll won't work in Hell.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
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Forbidden fruits create many jams.
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God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God loves everyone,
But probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts!'
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
He who angers you, controls you!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Prayer:
Don't give God instructions, just report for duty!
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The task ahead of us is never as
great as the Power behind us.
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The Will of God never takes you to where the
Grace of God will not protect you.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
We don't change the message,
The message changes us.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
You can tell how big a person is
By what it takes to discourage him/her.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
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If this blessed you in a profound way today,
Share it with a few friends to bless them!
I bet someone else will LOVE it too. There is no greater treasure than a good friend!
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"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." - A. Einstein
This is too funny - but I suspect the minister didn't appreciate it.
A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
Sermon complete, he sat down...
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced With a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song, Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'
Smile - life is too short not to!!
If this brightened your day
Don't let it stop here
Pass it on with a smile
Keep spreading the Cheer.
See you at the river!
Bring your own glass!
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"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." - A. Einstein
A Florida Court Sets Atheist Holy Day!
Gotta love this Judge!
You must read this......
A proper decision by the courts...
for a change.
A FLORIDA COURT SETS
ATHEIST HOLY DAY
In Florida , an atheist created a case against Easter and Passover Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case dismissed!"
The lawyer immediately stood and objecting to the ruling saying,
"Your honor, How can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others.
The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays..."
The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counselor, is woefully ignorant."
The lawyer said," Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."
The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fool�s Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore,
April 1st is his day.
Court is adjourned..." You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!
This is too good not to forward!
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"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." - A. Einstein
My husband and I had been happily
married (most of the time)
for five years
but hadn't been blessed with a baby.
I decided to do some serious
praying and promised God
that if he would give us a child,
I would be a perfect mother,
love it with all my heart
and raise it with His word
as my guide.
God answered my prayers
and blessed us with a son.
The next year God blessed us
with another son.
The following year,
He blessed us with
yet another son.
The year after that we
were blessed with a daughter.
My husband thought we'd
been blessed right into poverty.
We now had four children,
and the oldest was only
four years old.
I learned never to ask God
for anything unless I meant it
As a minister once told me,
"If you pray for rain,
make sure you carry an umbrella."
I began reading a few verses
of the Bible to the children
each day as they lay in their cribs..
I was off to a good start.
God had entrusted me
with four children and
I didn't want to disappoint Him.
I tried to be patient the day
the children smashed
two dozen eggs on
the kitchen floor searching
for baby chicks.
I tried to be understanding...
when they started a hotel for
homeless frogs in the spare bedroom,
although it took me nearly two hours
to catch all twenty-three frogs.
When my daughter poured
ketchup all over herself and
rolled up in a blanket to see
how it felt to be a hot dog,
I tried to see the humor
rather than the mess..
In spite of changing over
twenty-five thousand diapers,
never eating a hot meal
and never sleeping for more
than thirty minutes at a time,
I still thank God daily for my children.
While I couldn't keep my promise
to be a perfect mother -
I didn't even come close...
I did keep my promise
to raise them in the Word of God.
I knew I was missing the mark
just a little when I told
my daughter we were going
to church to worship God,
and she wanted to bring
a bar of soap along to
"wash up" Jesus, too.
Something was lost
in the translation when
I explained that
God gave us everlasting life,
and my son thought it was
generous of God to give
us his "last wife."
My proudest moment came
during the children's
Christmas pageant.
My daughter was playing Mary,
two of my sons were shepherds
and my youngest son was a wise man.
This was their moment to shine.
My five-year-old shepherd
had practiced his line,
"We found the babe wrapped
in swaddling clothes."
But he was nervous and said,
"The baby was wrapped
in wrinkled clothes."
My four-year-old "Mary" said,
"That's not 'wrinkled clothes,' silly.
That's dirty, rotten clothes."
A wrestling match broke out
between Mary and the shepherd
and was stopped by an angel,
who bent her halo and lost
her left wing.
I slouched a little lower
in my seat when Mary
dropped the doll representing
Baby Jesus, and it bounced
down the aisle crying,
"Mama-mama."
Mary grabbed the doll,
wrapped it back up
and held it tightly as
the wise men arrived.
My other son stepped forward
wearing a bathrobe
and a paper crown,
knelt at the manger
and announced,
"We are the three wise men,
and we are bringing gifts
of gold,
common sense
and fur."
The congregation
dissolved into laughter,
and the pageant
got a standing ovation.
"I've never enjoyed a Christmas
program as much as this one,"
laughed the pastor,
wiping tears from his eyes
"For the rest of my life,
I'll never hear the
Christmas story without
thinking of
gold,
common sense
and fur."
"My children are my pride
and my joy and my greatest
blessing," I said as I dug
through my purse for an aspirin.
~~~~~
Jesus had no servants,
yet they called Him Master.
Had no degree,
yet they called Him Teacher .
Had no medicines,
yet they called Him Healer.
Had no army,
yet kings feared Him.
He won no military battles,
yet He conquered the world.
He committed no crime,
yet they crucified Him.
He was buried in a tomb,
yet He lives today.
Feel honored
to serve such a Leader
who loves us.
~~~~~ If you believe in
God and in Jesus Christ His Son,
send this to all on your buddy list.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
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"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." - A. Einstein
A cowboy,
who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders
three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip
out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to
the bar and orders three more.
The
bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes
flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a
time."
The cowboy
replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona ,
the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we
promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we
drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers
and one for myself."
The
bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy
becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He
orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he
comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice
and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second
round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief,
but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy
looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes
and he laughs.
"Oh, no,
everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I
joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't
affected my brothers though."
>>
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"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." - A. Einstein
LOOK CLOSELY AT PHOTO #1
(Don't go to photo #2 until you examine #1 carefully..)
Look at the picture above and you can see where this driver
broke through the guardrail, on the right side of the culvert,
where the people are standing on the road, pointing....
The pick-up was traveling about 75 mph from right to left
when it crashed through the guardrail.
It flipped end-over-end bounced off and across the culvert outlet,
and landed right side up on the left side of the culvert,
facing the opposite direction from which the driver was traveling..
The 22-year-old driver and his 18-year-old passenger
were unhurt except for minor cuts and bruises.
Just outside Flagstaff , AZ , on U.S. . Hwy 100.
Now look at the second picture below...
If God isn't done with you, then God isn't done with you!!
WOW!
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"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." - A. Einstein
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