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Old 10-13-2011, 05:13 PM  
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suchafool--iwassuch a fool.

--not one time told that i looked nice

--always ready to do whatever he wanted

--accepted whatever he chose to 'give'--so little, so little

--knew he had 'the problem'--the peen problem--felt sorry for him for losing his true love

--wanted to dance and was happy that he asked me--frenemy got her panties in a wad and never let me forget 'what i had done to her'--she had to call her dad to pick up from the football game

--due to my father/Mel's insanity--i had one date in high school--he went beserk and made me cry all afternoon for making a date without 'begging his permission'--finally said i could go--

--so shy--didn't talk much--on a double date, never got another one--cried and cried and cried but knew i couldn't bring another boy into the 'pit'

--my mother-just let mel torment me--he would hit her if she tried to say anything did it for years


--junior in college --i came home for a weekend--they started fighting--Sunday's were bad--lots of fighting if there was a spare moment. so she said--'Call 911'. i did--thought he might kill her.

--he was furious, absolutely furious. heart problems. had a stroke--had the minister call me and say--'He is hurt that you called 911'

--i did not go to see him. from 21--until he was dying --about 10-12 years later.

--blamed by 'everyone' for this.

--so i went to church. great minister--fixed all that and then stupid baby sunday school class poked their noses into my business--convinced me they really care --i invested some $ into a member's company--completely fraudulent--largest presbyterian church in the US, fyi.
---sunday school class ended up in court.
--the leaders, long time members supported the criminal woman--wanted the 'victims' to drop all charges. too late state prosecuted anyway. $10,000 from one gullible guy--a babyman/alcoholic, $8,000 from a man educated at the London School of Economics and $4,000 from me.

--only the economist got a dime back. the criminal woman got state and federal time.

--sunday school class then shunned me. tried to say 'You should have known better'--mmmhmmmm--GOP.

--then i moved away--lost my job in inner city Savannah--wrong color--just the wrong color. Savannah State College--they are militant about civil rights had created big problems the year before. longshoreman had to school to stop the 'problem'. accused of racism. me, the least racist or judgmental person you could ever imagine.

--had to go back to The ATL--whatever it is--it is my home. grew up minutes from the Carter Center---attended high school near Emory--taught from first grade the highest ethical values. knew that before first grade--Mom. will not 'have' less than perfection. Methodist perfection. insane about That.

--so much more--so much more.

--'do not HATE'--i guess i don't --don't like 'some' very much--know why some are not as good as they should be--do not see much excuse for others. hope someone can explain this to me.

--no, you cannot be 'Too Nice'--you will be crushed.

--unfortunately, God chose to make me too nice--hard to 'Toughen Up'--you don't know how hard it is. but i have.

--Strong as Beyonce, Tina, Hillary and others.

--men, cry --'you hurt my baby feelings'--you are a witch with a 'B'

--the crying over the 'Feminazis' in the Hannity forums was pitiful--i dispensed kleenex to all who had been 'hurt'--comforted them, they like that--little baby men.

--no doctor can understand me---sigh--mostly men.
--i had a good psychologist--a woman--none of the doctors want to believe her--but she was right.

--such a delicate looking woman--a lady--strong as steel --taught psychology, opened her own practice--still remembers me. she was like a teacher i admired--only one to understand or like me, fyi. taught Gifted, taught each and every student to perfection. Indiana. Sept.2--Christa MacAuliffe sort of teacher. perfect. was abused for speaking the truth to the administrator--a Marine--he liked pretty, young teachers-visited them at their homes. got caught--was promoted. that is the way of the DeKalb County School System--Atlanta, Ga. good old boys, nepotism.--they were very proud of themselves--let me tell you--recognized nationally for test scores in the 60's. my high school had the highest. hurray--all others jealous of people from this high school.--many affluent families in the area. i have been judged for that for my entire life. sigh
--my family lived on almost nothing--still judged to be 'rich' because i attended this high school.

--hated for every reason and now i do not care--know to get away from that sort of people and know how to pull a few strings and speak authoritatively when needed. know who is wrong and who is right, regardless of race or creed.

--figure it out. basically a Holly Golightly sort---i have been arrested --my mother did that to protect my meth manufacturing brother--i reported him for nearly driving my mother and i insane when he was on the 'drug'. arrested and continued to use until he died.

--now i have a great hairdresser, some nicer friends and a tiny bit of what i should have had all my life. 63 years old.

--i will 'do something for others' as i am always encouraged to do.

--i tell these stories and will write these stories and tell them to more people

--lol-something like Katherine Hepburn and Annette Bening. will not change--will not change.

--the gifts God gave me--not much to most people but powerful gifts anyway.

so glad to find this forum--it is a 'paradise' on the interwebz. so few--so few.
convinced we really don't need all the technology we have--at least i don't but we have it and as they say in Al Anon--'Take what you like, and leave the Rest'.
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Old 10-13-2011, 05:15 PM  
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redheaded women--the best, absolutely the best women. Celtic goddesses--all of them. treat them very well, guys--jmo.



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Old 10-13-2011, 05:21 PM  
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Old 10-13-2011, 05:23 PM  
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Old 10-13-2011, 06:24 PM  
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I tend to relegate my past to the basement, and focus a lot on enjoying the life I have today.
Works for me
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Old 10-13-2011, 07:56 PM  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RiponredTJ View Post
I tend to relegate my past to the basement, and focus a lot on enjoying the life I have today.
Works for me
every time i do that--'something happens'. one thing that won't happen again is 'not clearly understanding' that it is not me--no matter what anyone says.

completely sever contact with the little family i have left--leave my elderly mother to die in the street--not an option. i will die trying to care for her--yet she is 'the problem'.

eh--by a Miracle---she seems to have finally understood--maybe things will be better. i will always give it my best shot. suffer --but not very long or in silence. don't believe God intends us to live that way. Gave his Only Son and it is not necessary for that to be done again. and He will not do it again, nor will he 'Punish' us as He once thought was necessary.

wish more people understood that about GOD. i will continue to pray for that and do what i can to help.

no military branch for me--an army of 1. effective, very effective.
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Old 10-14-2011, 11:00 AM  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RiponredTJ View Post
I tend to relegate my past to the basement, and focus a lot on enjoying the life I have today.
Works for me
Same here. I'm mindful of my past, planning for the future, but living in the now.
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Old 10-14-2011, 11:32 AM  
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Originally Posted by Austin View Post
Same here. I'm mindful of my past, planning for the future, but living in the now.
ok, guys--share the secret. how did you do that--tell me that and i will be eternally grateful. keeps coming back and biting me in the arse.

i banish it--move on --and have to stop and deal with it again.

cannot move away from it--can sort move around it.

wasting time, wasting too much time.

'never think of that 's' again'--i would love to do that---how i would love to do that. 'my family, my community'---some pretty bad things went down and still go down.

the holidays are 'very special'--the 's' flies. no joy or happiness. just the 's'--that is how it goes.

disgusted---depressed and absolutely furious. silent killer --blood pressure--i think it is going to get me very soon. and that will be a relief. it really will.

'nice girl'---that is what happens to some of us---for no reason that is acceptable to me.
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Old 10-14-2011, 11:37 AM  
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Old 10-14-2011, 11:39 AM  
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just tell me how to get from where i am to where i want to be--'Joan Baez'

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